Stop Trying to Fix Difficult People: The Real Strategy That Actually Works

You know that person. The one who makes every meeting feel like a root canal without anaesthesia. The colleague who could find fault with a perfectly sunny day in Brisbane. The customer who treats your staff like they're personally responsible for every inconvenience since the invention of queues.

I've been dealing with difficult people for over 18 years now, first as a trade supervisor in Melbourne, then running my own consultancy across three states. And here's what I learned the hard way: most advice about handling difficult people is complete rubbish.

The Problem with Most "Difficult People" Advice

Walk into any Dymocks and you'll find shelves groaning with books promising to transform your workplace tyrant into a reasonable human being. They'll tell you to "understand their perspective" and "find common ground" and "use active listening techniques."

Bollocks.

Some people are difficult because they've learned it works. They've discovered that being unreasonable gets them attention, gets them their way, or simply makes them feel powerful. You're not a therapist, you're trying to run a business.

The Three Types You'll Actually Encounter

After nearly two decades in Australian workplaces, I've noticed difficult people generally fall into three camps:

The Chronic Complainer: Everything is wrong, nothing meets their standards, and somehow it's always someone else's fault. These are often good performers who've learned that squeaky wheels get oil.

The Workplace Bully: Uses aggression, intimidation, or passive-aggressive behaviour to control situations. Sometimes they're not even aware they're doing it – it's just their default mode.

The Professional Victim: Takes everything personally, sees conspiracies everywhere, and responds to feedback like you've just insulted their grandmother. Often surprisingly competent at their actual job.

Now here's where I'll probably lose some readers: I believe most difficult people aren't evil. They're just using strategies that worked somewhere else in their lives. Your job isn't to cure them – it's to manage the situation professionally.

What Actually Works (And What Doesn't)

Let me save you years of frustration. Here's what I've learned:

Don't try to change them. Seriously. Stop it. That weekend workshop on conflict resolution might give you some useful tools, but it won't transform Derek from Accounts into a ray of sunshine.

Set clear boundaries immediately. This is where most managers stuff up completely. They tolerate increasingly unreasonable behaviour because they don't want conflict. But here's the thing – you're already in conflict. You're just losing it slowly.

Document everything religiously. I know, I know – more paperwork. But 73% of workplace disputes could be resolved faster if managers had proper documentation from the start. Write down what happened, when it happened, who witnessed it. Future you will thank past you.

Use the broken record technique. Keep repeating your position calmly. "As I explained, the deadline is Friday." "The deadline remains Friday." "I understand your concerns, but the deadline is still Friday." Don't get drawn into endless debates about why Friday is unreasonable.

Here's something that might surprise you: some of the most difficult people I've worked with have become valuable team members once they understood the rules. Not transformed – that's Disney thinking – but contained and directed.

The Sydney Story

Three years ago, I was working with a engineering firm in Sydney. They had this project manager – let's call him Craig – who was absolutely impossible. Shouted at subcontractors, blamed everyone else for delays, turned every team meeting into a battlefield.

The MD was ready to sack him, which would've been expensive because Craig actually knew his stuff. Instead, we tried something different.

We made Craig responsible for writing the weekly project reports that went to clients. Suddenly, his attention to detail and natural pessimism became assets. He couldn't blame others without taking responsibility himself. Within six months, client satisfaction scores improved and Craig's behaviour modified significantly.

Not fixed. Modified. There's a difference.

The Uncomfortable Truth About Workplace Harmony

Here's what the feel-good business books won't tell you: some personality clashes are actually productive. A bit of creative tension can drive innovation and prevent groupthink.

The trick is learning when difficult behaviour is functional versus when it's just destructive. Active listening skills help you make that distinction, but ultimately it comes down to results.

If your difficult person delivers quality work and their behaviour stays within professional bounds, maybe the problem isn't them. Maybe it's your tolerance for different communication styles.

Common Mistakes That Make Everything Worse

Taking it personally. Their mood isn't about you. Even when it feels like it is.

Trying to win every argument. Pick your battles. Some hills aren't worth dying on.

Avoiding the conversation. Problems don't age like wine – they age like milk.

Using email for complex issues. Have the difficult conversation face-to-face. Email just creates more misunderstandings.

Expecting immediate change. Behaviour modification takes time. Think months, not days.

The Reality Check

Look, I'll be honest – sometimes people are just incompatible with your workplace culture. Sometimes you do need to performance manage them out. But before you go nuclear, make sure you've actually tried managing the situation professionally.

Most "difficult people" problems are actually "unclear expectations" problems in disguise. When you clearly communicate what's acceptable and what isn't, enforce those boundaries consistently, and document everything properly, you'll be amazed how many situations improve.

And if they don't improve? Well, then you've got the documentation you need to make the hard decisions.

What's Your Experience?

I'm curious about your own difficult people stories. Have you found strategies that work in your industry? The mining sector operates differently to retail, and what works in Perth might not fly in Melbourne.

The one constant I've found across all industries and all states is this: respect the person, manage the behaviour, protect the team. Everything else is just tactics.

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• Core Group's Approach to Difficult Behaviours
• Learning Pulse Professional Development